The choice is yours my friends

If you would like to have your mind officially blown, watch this:



If you don't want to risk it, watch this:



If you can't make up your mind about either one of them, then watch this and feel better about yourself:

Miss Canada

LVJ was telling me that during the recent Miss (Universe / World / Galaxy / Solar system) contest, the ladies were dressed in their home countries' traditional garb for one of the judges events. Apparently, the Canadian strolled out in this number:


Being a Leafs fan, I am all for it...
Sadly though, the judges didn't see it my way, and like the rest of the Leafs, Miss Canada is now laying on the sofa back home, playing x-Box and scratching herself.

Students protesting - give it a rest already

Yesterday, a drive through down town was slowed by students protesting (what else but) some kind of anti-American bullshit. Two things came to mind immediately: Why were there a few white dudes in the mix? Have they not yet realized that to 99% of Koreans if you are white, you are an American? Secondly, if those students would put even half of that effort into actually studying and learning something about the world, the protests would probably stop.
Hey, if you have a beef and want to protest something, that is your right. Even though the democracy of South Korea is crumbling under Roh Moo Hyun's government (see the latest media blackout as an example), the freedom to express your views are supposedly what keeps people in line. However, from my thousands of conversations with university students about politics and about the West in general, the average university freshman has no fucking clue how to decide what to eat for lunch without their Mom telling them, let alone process international politics. All they know is that it is "cool" and trendy to get out and hate someone...Japan, USA, China, whoever...it doesn't matter. For that, I nominate those people who were out yesterday spreading around hatred rather than enjoying a gorgeous Sunday for this:

K-1 Dynamite? More like a birthday candle

K-1 yesterday was (for the lack of a better expression) absolute shite. The outdoor venue was unsuitable...the fighters had about a kilometer to get to the ring, the production looked shoddy and disorganized, and most importantly of all, the fights were junk. Even the much anticipated Sakuraba - Gracie rematch was bogus. I honestly think it was fixed, or just some kind of contractual obligation, so they went out and rolled around the canvas like gymnasts doing a log roll. Pride and UFC have professional looking events, but K-1 is falling apart. That was a horrible live event to have going on in the US. Most of the audience were L.A. kyopos anyway...there to see two Korean fighters. Choi Hong Man was supposed to fight, but withdrew at the 11th hour due to fear of Brock Lesnar.
I would say that the most entertaining part of the whole event was Il Hee cheering on Yoon Dong Sik in his match. Yoon had a pretty swollen eye, which looked quite gross. Upon seeing the eye, LVJ was out for revenge and screamed with feverish intensity, "Come on Yoon...blind him!" Hilarious. Sure sure, on the outside she is an adorable sweetheart, but on the inside lurks the heart of an assassin.

Love is patient, love is kind, love is delusional...

Pretty slack around here at VonJackass Enterprises lately. My editor was in a workshop all week and some of the staff were on strike due to lack of fringe benefits. I resolved that problem though by firing them.

Many blog-worthy things have happened over the last week, so I will do my best to exaggerate them into something even more interesting.

Part 1 - A tale of two hapless morons

Chatting with a former HUFS student of mine, she expressed her depression and sadness about her boyfriend heading off to military service and then after that is done, he has to go abroad to study for a year. This is a reasonably common situation here with the mandatory military service of just over 2 years. She was going on and on about how they couldn't see each other for almost 3 years except when he gets the odd weekend off...blah blah sickening blah.
When asked, "How long have you been dating?" the answer came quickly
"Since Friday. I met him at Club Day in Hongdae Friday night."
"3 Days?!?!??" I exclaimed.
"No no no. Four days."
As whacked as I thought it was, I can maybe have around 1% of understanding. No, on second thought, it is just stupid. I wrapped up the conversation and chalked it up to logic being on vacation for the summer.

Saturday though, in a chilling coincidence, I heard almost the same story come from a gal who works at Cinema English. She has worked there for almost a year and I usually chat with her every week while we wait to teach. She is quite friendly and easy going, but she was on edge and freaking out as she waited for a phone message. I asked her if she was expecting an important call or something, and she explained to me that her boyfriend, who is usually very reliable, hadn't phoned her or messaged her in 3 days. As any guy knows, that in itself is punishable by a swift shot to the yarbles. However, when I asked how long they had been dating, she told me "a week". I squinted and nodded to keep from smiling.

Please keep in mind kids...if you believe in romance like your Uncle VonJackass does, remember that dating can be tricky, so use your brain once in a while.

Vaguely related, but a classic all the same:

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

-- Rodney Dangerfield.