Harry Potter Spoilers

Let me save you the trouble of reading the new Potter book...let's cut to the chase:

• Ron sees a barber for the first time. He gets a complimentary comb.
• Harry discovers a spell (Shakius Bakius) for making tender and crispy fried owl in seconds.
• You-know-who is caught doing you-know what and is sent to you know where for who knows how long.
• Hermione is accused of toying with Snape's wand. Snape claims that he wasn't aware that there was a 247 year age difference between them.
  
• Prof. McGonagall uses an "engorgio" spell to catch the eye of Dumbledore.
• Malfoy drops out and starts his own "street magic" program on FOX network.
  
• Hagrid realizes that the suburbs have a lot to offer and moves into a 3 bedroom bungalow.
• J.K Rowling proves that all the religious crack pots who banned / burned the books in their communities were on the right track. If you read chapter 17 backwards, it clearly instructs children that there is power in Satan, Potter is their overlord, Voldemort was a symbolic representation of Jesus and that if you have read the entire series, you will become unable to distinguish fantasy from reality and probably develop blood lust.