Blue Bulls Christmas

Thought we here at VonJackass Enterprises should get in the Christmas spirit with one of my favourites. As Christmas approaches, it is usually the time of year when I miss the family back home the most, and I am glad and grateful to have my "family" in Korea to spend the holidays with. "Uncle Dean and Aunt Jumi" are once again hosting Christmas dinner, but because of everyone's work schedules, we are having it on the 23rd. Maybe a bit of skating on Christmas Eve if anyone is up for it???? LVJ and I went out to Olympic Park to the outdoor rink there on Tuesday night and it was surprisingly excellent. W1000 to skate for an hour, including the skate rental, and there were only about 30 people there. Not sure if anyone else is game, but if you are, let me know!

Mother Nature's Golden Gems

No post for a while...working is tearing the life out of me. Tick Tick Tick...vacation will be here sooner or later. Thankfully though, my Christmas present to myself arrived today! John Part Golden Hero 26g. Hoot hoot. Took them out for a tear with Colin at RMT in Hongdae this evening. They started off a bit erratic, but once I found my groove, they were flying pretty well. Nothing like some new darts to inspire a guy to hit the practice boards and look for a lot of excuses to get out and throw. Trying to rework Saturday's schedule so that I can attend the season ending tourney, as I have never made it out to that extravaganza yet in 4 seasons. Took a sneak preview at the Goat's new Taylors and they are looking quite vicious as well. I guess at the very least, even if we fall apart during the season, we will still be looking good out there with everyone on the Bulls decked out with new spears.

To the oche I say!

p.s. I'm not sure what the "3 in a bed" flights mean exactly, but I will cover all angles just to be safe.

When Denis Lemieux speaks, you listen.

For my Korean friends...here is a quick run down on the rules of hockey.

Weekend Fun

I was wondering what to do over the weekend, and I had SFA planned, so I thought that I would get into the Christmas spirit with my annual Christmas light extravaganza. This may look like a lot of work, but it was surprisingly easy to do. With nothing more than a rope ladder, a roll of aluminum foil, a set of pocket mirrors, a chainsaw and a tin of raspberry jam, I managed to set this up in just under 19 hours. Of course, LVJ was on hand with a hard hat, clip board and a whistle to check the schematics and bark out instructions.

In an unexpected perk, Korea Electric Co. sent me out a Gold Membership card which gets me 10% off any dried squid combo at participating Megabox Movie Theaters. They have also named a uranium rod after me.

Big Bad Bill (is Sweet William now)

This is seemingly old news, but it is new to me, so I thought it was blog worthy.

Bill Nye apparently caused the residents of Waco to freak out when he talked about the sun and the moon. Are people really this moronic? The answer, oh my brothers, is "yes, yes they are."

Read on:

The Emmy-winning scientist angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of the biblical verse Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great light, the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light” is but one of countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.

A number of audience members left the room at that point, visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence.
“We believe in a God!” exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children.

In "a" god? Meaning they believe in one of many gods? Well, who knows...I gotta wonder though, if people are going to get all bent out of shape over the luminescence of the moon, what the hell are they doing at a "Science" lecture anyway? Just hang out with the elders of your church, eat dainties in the basement, and bitch and moan about how everything would be better if everyone else were more like you.

_______

In this picture, Bill can be seen juggling what is known as a beach ball made of carbon and hydrogen as he warmed up for his speech in Waco.


Post speech reaction as angry Texans stormed out of the auditorium. Nye was misquoted in the Waco Tribune as saying, "Aw come on guys...don't be like that. Okay, judging by your angry reaction, I have crossed the line and I admit that I don't know what I am talking about...the moon really does emit light."
His precise words actually were, "Come on people, you gotta believe me. Look at me, I have a bow tie on. A bow tie for fuck sakes! Well Jim, I guess you were right...we should have just inhaled helium out of balloons and made funny voices like you suggested. Always a crowd pleaser around here. These hay seeds aren't ready for this fancy book learning yet. Give them 3 more generations."


Now enjoy this video...

Communication Breakdown

Which one of these characters do you identify with more?

Darts Round-Up

It came down to the crunch, which is the way it is supposed to be. We played Alley Ratz, who we had been chasing all season and were 2 points behind going into Monday night's action. We needed a 3 point win to clinch 1st place. Our home, Bless U, closed down for renovations on Sunday, so we lost our home board advantage, if there is such a thing, but we popped next door to Dolce and locked horns over there instead.

Play was a bit tentative, maybe because of some jitters, maybe because of the -4 temperature in Dolce at game time, maybe a bit of both, or maybe neither at all, but play started heating up as we battled through the matches. All were good and close matches as was expected. In a darts league first though, there was a heated exchange between our team and a member of the Alley Ratz. In Koichi's first leg against Eric, Eric thought that he would try to pad his stats rather than shoot for the win, so with only 1 or 2 bulls for the win, he tried to throw 5 marks on open numbers even though he was over 100 points ahead already. Koichi battled to catch up, but was too far behind. It was just a ridiculous case of poor sportsmanship, so The Goat and I piped in with a few choice words after the first leg finally ended. In a case of poetic justice though, in the 3rd leg, Eric also tried to do the same thing with 18's open and the lead, but Koichi hammered the bulls for about 5 rounds to catch up, then Eric missed the open 18's a couple of times and Koichi zinged a dart into the triple to win. Basically, being a prick cost Eric the game. He was quite proud of himself afterwards for some reason. That one leg meant a lot in the end though.

We split the doubles games, which took us to the team game to decide 1st and 2nd. If we won, we would have a 3 leg victory...of we lost, we would remain in 2nd. After only winning maybe 2 team games all last season, we have really picked it up this season and started concentrating on winning. Everyone played a steady game, and I was glad to hit the double 4 to put the final nail in the coffin for victory. 1st place baby! woohoo.

We have a bye this week for the first round of playoffs, and then will play the winner of FFOD and Cake Mix...the only two teams we lost to this season, so it should be wild.

Finally...someone was thinking.

Here is an ad campaign that I thought was quite interesting. While the authenticity of the dates in the photos is debatable, the effect is quite powerful. For the amount of time and money spent on marketing, it is good to see that someone still has a good idea once in a while.
(note: click to enlarge the photos...the date is key)

Venn Diagram of the Day

Space 1999

Over at Barry's place for one of his BBBQ bash extravaganzas last weekend (the extra B is for BYOB) and I noticed that he had the collection of "Space 1999" on DVD. My heart stopped momentarily (and not just from the meats - which were smoked and grilled to perfection I must say) because as a young lad, that show seemed to burrow its way into my psyche and send me into nightmares. I finally had a chance to search around and I found the culprits that caused me so many fits and terrors.

Look at this picture at your own risk. If it should cause you nightmares, call my parents...they will calm you down. (my advice though...make sure the blankets and sheets of your bed are perfectly smooth, and don't look at the plaid curtains as they will appear very large)

Whatever these things are, I hope they rot in hell.

K1 World GP

An awesome day of fights out at Olympic Gymnasium yesterday as Colin and I headed out to take in the K1 final 16. Here is a break down of the good and the bad:

Good:

• Schilt serving up a stiff knee to the chops putting Slowinski to sleep
• Park Young Soo dancing around with his hands at his waist and LeBanner taking advantage of it by flooring him with one punch
• Bonjasky serving up a flying knee to the forehead of Leko. Leko wasn't interested in asking for seconds.
• Hari giving Viney a whomping / KO
• Our seats were great. Thanks to LVJ for helping arrange that.
• the production was quite smooth and professional looking. The arena atmosphere was quite exciting

Bad

• Fujimoto...just terrible. It was an embarrassment for everyone. He was tumbling around the ring like a class of grade 3 students practicing log rolls and somersaults with Mrs. Kroupa (remember that fierce bitch?).
• Sefo / Aerts fight was lame. Sefo was not up to par at all and quit after round 1.
• Mighty Mo and Choi Hong Man. Again, Choi did nothing at all and somehow ended up getting a decision. At one point he did manage to kick Mighty Mo in the nads, but the ref wouldn't stop for a break, even though everyone from Choi to the judges to the ushers up in the crow's nest knew it was low. As Choi walked around with a guilty expression, Mo took a short break and leaned against the ropes, touching his knee to the canvas, at which point the ref called him down and he got an 8 count. What a joke.

Update...I just found a clip of the incident. Decide for yourself. If you can watch this without wincing, then I guess it was fair and square.

• The venue facilities were fucking brutal! Was this really an Olympic venue?
  
• Most of the lower concourse was blocked off, leaving 3-4 closet sized washrooms...lined up out the door most of the time.
• No vendors selling any kind of K1 memorabilia
• only 2 drink / snack vending booths that I saw on our level of the arena. The 3 hour line to get a bag of squid just wasn't worth it.
  
• Drink vending machines opposite the section gate doors making it impossible to get in or out of the gate due to huge lines waiting to buy a pepsi from a machine
• Who knows why, but an unreasonable number of people couldn't figure out how to find their seats. Come on people...the seat numbers are in order for Christ sake. Ushers were doing SFA (too busy noticing obvious low blows) which made for about 5 arguments in our section alone as people were having a hell of a time counting up to 100 to find their chair.
  

Most of the fight clips are on youtube already. Here's a taste

The reverse peep hole

This is an awesome picture taken from Death Valley. Think of it as the reverse image of the photo I posted up a few days ago. It is a fairly large pic, so click on it to view it in its splendor.

Dumb-ass gets Jolted Back to Reality

By now, if you live on the earth, you have seen the video of the chap who rattles on at a Kerry speech and then gets tossed out by the cops and as he tumbles around like Charlie Chaplin, Captain Kirk sets his weapon to "stun" and gives the guy a bit of a perm.

It is all very laughable, but what I am really starting to find hilarious is the growing list of anile comments surrounding the whole thing. Posters seem to come from 1 of 7 camps:

1) The guy was acting like a clown, wrestling away from the cops, and deserved what he got
2) Bush destroyed the constitution of the US, so the cops can do what they want because of the Patriot act
3) Free speech is lost
4) Kerry is to blame because he sicked his goons on the poor, helpless guy
5) Kerry was dodging the guy's questions instead hopping off the stage and helping him
6) Blame the Liberals
7) Blame the Republicans

Let's put this in a different setting and see which of these seem logical...

a) You are in a bongo truck selling fruits, vegetables and fish. The cops tell you to buzz off. You say, "Okay...after I blast this horn for a few more minutes." They start to escort you away. You start yelling and wriggling to get away from them. Well...now you are in a lot of shit. Whose fault is that? Is it Bush's fault? Is it the liberals' fault? Does it now mean that the free market economy is dead? No. It is YOUR fault for being a show off and a dumb ass. (personal side note...I would LOVE to get Spock out of retirement and shoulder roll out from behind a parked car and zap each and every bongo truck driver sitting in front of my house)
b) When you are stopped for speeding and the cops tell you to "stay in the car" do you reply, "No officer...after all that speeding I need to get out and stretch my legs here..."? Only if you want to get tazed.

I guess the kid was just getting carried away on the adrenaline of being cool in front of his classmates...sadly, now this idiotic stunt will open the door to more ass-hattery and probably make that jackass rich as he makes the rounds talking to Oprah, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Maher, Regis, Leno...whoever.

*In this photo - In one of the earliest recorded uses of the stun gun, housewife Helen Needlebaum stealthily zaps her husband with a Tesla coil by tricking him into holding what he thinks is a newly invented kind of soup ladle. When interviewed afterwards as to the reason for the shock treatment, Needlebaum replied, "Well, that jerk said he liked my hair better longer. Bastard. That'll make him think twice."
Hell hath no fury, my friends.

Mastering English

Why didn't I read this article BEFORE I slogged through that masters program? I could have instead just taken a weekend course to become a driving instructor and gotten the same (and in some cases better) results. Read on...

Czech crash victim wakes up speaking English

September 14, 2007 10:25am

Article from:

A CZECH speedway driver knocked unconscious in a crash stunned ambulance drivers when he woke up speaking perfect English.

18-year-old Matej Kus was out cold for 45 minutes after the crash, but when he woke up he conversed fluidly in English with paramedics, even speaking in an English accent.

The teenager had just begun to study the language and his skills were described by friends and team-mates as “basic at best”.

Peter Waite, the promoter for Kus's team, the Berwick Bandits, told the Daily Mail: "I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"It was in a really clear English accent, no dialect or anything. Whatever happened in the crash must have rearranged things in his head.

"Before his crash Matej's use of the English language was broken, to put it mildly.

"He was only just making a start on improving it and struggled to be understood, but was keen to learn.

"Yet here we were at the ambulance door listening to Matej talking to the medical staff in perfect English.

"Matej didn't have a clue who or where he was when he came round. He didn't even know he was Czech.

"It was unbelievable to hear him talk in unbroken English."

Unfortunately, the speedway driver's new found skills didn’t last and he remembers nothing of the accident or the following two days. He is now keen pursue studies in English.

He told the Daily Mail, through an interpreter: "It's unbelievable that I was speaking English like that, especially without an accent.

"Hopefully I can pick English up over the winter for the start of next season so I'll be able to speak it without someone having to hit me over the head first.

"There must be plenty of the English language in my subconscious so hopefully I'll be able to pick it up quickly next time."

LVJ Rings the Bell

After digging back in to TOEIC after a couple of years since last dabbling into it, LVJ has made the impossible possible and rung up a perfect 990 score. Great great.

Lessons to be learned from this:
1) Studying actually works
2) The old "I didn't hear / understand you" excuse is out the window.
3) Listening to me rattle on about a bunch of bullshit eventually pays off. (in fact, I can't take any credit for her score...unless there were questions about darts, hockey, Saskatchewan or cuts of meat.)

We are something in nothing

A picture of Earth taken from Mars.

" This is the first image ever taken of Earth from the surface of a planet beyond the Moon. The image is a mosaic of images taken by the rover's navigation camera showing a broad view of the sky, and an image taken by the rover's panoramic camera of Earth. The contrast in the panoramic camera image was increased two times to make Earth easier to see. The inset shows a combination of four panoramic camera images zoomed in on Earth. The arrow points to Earth. Earth was too faint to be detected in images taken with the panoramic camera's color filters. "

Browse around the main site if you have time. There are some phenomenal pics on there.
http://photojournal.jpl.nasa.gov/

The more I think about it, the more it ties my mind into a reef knot.

Chomp along with Chomsky

"If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion."

Been reading through several Chomsky essays, interviews and books as of late. Interesting for sure. I have been wanting to slog through a bunch of his linguistics and political stuff for some time, but never really had a chance. Now with really SFA to do, reading is a joy.

In fact, I have lots of stuff to blog up these days, but I am just not that motivated right now to sit still and type. This weekend...

He's a brainiac, brainiac on the floor!

...Click here for one of the most entertaining articles ever written. The frightening thing is that this guy's opinion is not unique. Scary scary stuff.

Here is a little taste of what Hanmi Semiconductor Chairman Kwak Noh Kwon has to offer:

"While I was traveling around the world conducting semiconductor business for over 40 years, I realized Koreans are the smartest, most sophisticated and best educated people."

Holy Fuck.

I am proud to say that after living here for 8 years, I have absorbed as much of the "genius vibe" as I can handle. A simple foreigner can not understand the complexities of the clever and cunning ajoshi, but I gave it my best...and that's all a poor rube can do.

A tribute to a great hoax

This ad mysteriously appeared a couple of years ago in one of the expat magazines that circulate around Seoul. It seemed to have caused quite an uproar, and even made its way to Jay Leno's "Headlines" segment. I was browsing through some old pics today and came across it, so I thought it should be reborn. It was of course a hoax, but many people took it to heart, and according to the 2 guys responsible (Canadians - haha), they received shitloads of email from angry Canucks who felt obliged to point out their obvious hypocrisy.

Hilarious then...hilarious now.

B.Y.O.S.H. Party (Bring your own shoe horn)

Anyone up for the beach? A bit of frisbee, building a sand castle, flipping through a novel as the waves gently lap against the sand...

Honestly, under what circumstances would you say, "Hey honey, let's head out to Haeundae Beach today"?

Monday Night Mishmash

Due to military operations, we had a rare Monday off in the SIDL, so The Big C and I headed out to Itaewon to hang out with Roddy and the boys before their game. After having a bite to eat and some ice cold beverages, Colin was called away to do some entertaining and I headed over to Bless U to chat with Margaret and Welles and just generally hang out. Around 10:30, Koichi, Youb and I were playing cricket when the lads from Take it Easy and also TAP popped into the bar. The mood was festive and something seemed up, but I wasn't sure what. Then with a full tray of Jager for all, Colin presented me with my "degree"! Haha. Classic move.



I would like to thank Roddy, Gina and John for officially signing my Masters, and especially I want to thank Colin for motivating me to get through those last few classes by sending me photos of his degree along with quotes such as "get to work" "only 2 more papers" and "quit wasting time!" It seems like a short time ago that Colin and I first sat down in TOZ and cracked open unit 1 of linguistics, but when I think about the cramming and reading involved in the whole process, I can only say that I am glad it is behind me. Colin had his own motivation for getting it done, and I must admit that he kept on task and on schedule to finish up in 16 months. I couldn't keep up that torrid pace, but I knew that I had to just keep tapping away at it and eventually it would be finished. Looking back, I could have worked harder or put more effort in, but generally I am satisfied with the results. Hopefully the degree will continue to prove valuable in the years to come.

My real degree is still on its way from USQ, but this copy will certainly sit proudly on my book case as well. Thank you friends and family.

The Tiger and the Rabbit

I have often heard that the shape of the Korean peninsula is the same as the general shape of a tiger. I have never been able to really see it, and usually it seemed to look more like a bunny rabbit.
See for yourself:



Now check out this adorable and delicious bunny:



Almost the same, no?

Alas, I discovered the general gestalt of the tiger through tireless searches and neck twisting, squinting and creative cartography:



Exactly!
I would say that contortionist tigers were ahead of their time. In an ultimate example of man imitating nature for profit, Chinese circus acts were quick to copy the tiger's malleable bone twisting display and are now world famous for not only getting 32 ladies on a tiny bicycle, but also acts of flexibility that cause regular stiff legged folk to gasp in dismay.
Where did it all lead, you may ask? Well, eventually, out of our own secret desires to be circus performers (and to a lesser extent, tigers), the wonderful world of yoga was created.



Notice how this move closely resembles the general outline of Finland.

And now you know. Tell a friend.

Computer woes

What the hell? My computer has taken it upon itself to suddenly turn off at random, which is maddening and also galling. Thus I have decided that I am going to get back to basics (or BASIC) and buy this gem. I am not sure if it is internet compatible, so this may be the last you see of me. If you need me, I will be playing Outrun.

Cats?

Last night LVJ and I took in a performance of Cats. There were a lot of cats jumping around, as you might imagine, and some of those cats could really sing.
I'm not exactly sure what has made that production popular for 30 years, but it was for the most part entertaining. LVJ really enjoyed it, although I think she was eager to see more cats walking around our part of the seating area. There are several times during the show that the cats are running through the audience or coming in through the side doors and doing some stunts on the way to the stage. Even during the intermission, a few cats were running through the audience doing flips and twirls. Cool to see them up close.

Coincidentally, I bumped into an old friend there during the intermission. I asked him how he was enjoying the show and he replied, "The tickets were pretty expensive, so I am trying to enjoy it!"

Harry Potter Spoilers

Let me save you the trouble of reading the new Potter book...let's cut to the chase:

• Ron sees a barber for the first time. He gets a complimentary comb.
• Harry discovers a spell (Shakius Bakius) for making tender and crispy fried owl in seconds.
• You-know-who is caught doing you-know what and is sent to you know where for who knows how long.
• Hermione is accused of toying with Snape's wand. Snape claims that he wasn't aware that there was a 247 year age difference between them.
  
• Prof. McGonagall uses an "engorgio" spell to catch the eye of Dumbledore.
• Malfoy drops out and starts his own "street magic" program on FOX network.
  
• Hagrid realizes that the suburbs have a lot to offer and moves into a 3 bedroom bungalow.
• J.K Rowling proves that all the religious crack pots who banned / burned the books in their communities were on the right track. If you read chapter 17 backwards, it clearly instructs children that there is power in Satan, Potter is their overlord, Voldemort was a symbolic representation of Jesus and that if you have read the entire series, you will become unable to distinguish fantasy from reality and probably develop blood lust.
  

Hungry?

These days, with movies pushing 3 hours, numbing both our minds and our asses, the average squid snack just doesn't cut it. By the 90 minute mark, you are left with nothing but the eyes, or just crumbs to go along with the watery memory of your pepsi as the ice melts and the waxy cup begins to disintegrate. Fear not though, squid are up to the challenge and have responded to Hollywood's self indulgence by taking one more step up the evolutionary ladder and releasing their newest hybrid: Bob Homme Squid.



They chose the name out of respect for their hero, The Friendly Giant, who "through the use of an alto recorder was able to find serenity, even with that Jerome acting like a fool and hyper-active hen Rusty shooting his beak off all over the castle."


p.s. I know that a hen isn't a he, but "hyper active rooster" just doesn't have the same ring to it, so never mind.

The fans are calling for updates

Dear Reader(s)
Long time no posting. Here are a few updates to tide us both over.

- My master's degree is finished. Ahhhhhh...what a relief. Getting that last assignment done was a real pain in the beach ball, but eventually it wrapped up.

- Whitney and Georgia are here! We have been touring around and sight seeing, shopping, checking out soccer games, trying weird food, dabbling into Seoul night life, and generally hanging out. We are having a pretty good time, and there is more to come!

- It's humid.

- I finally beat "hatty" Jae Hak at Bulls! Having lost my soft tips a while ago, I used some house darts off the table. Strangely, they flew rather well for me. He was gracious in defeat and gave me a new set of soft tips.

- Back to work on Monday. Five weeks of intensive English fun coming up. Only working mornings, so it should be quite okay. I am putting together a new blog for the course, so those interested can stay up to date at: www.hongikheli.blogspot.com

- I have been trying to get through the first season of 24. I have several times resisted just skipping to the last episode to see how it all ends. Patience..patience.

- I have somehow been banned from the Seoul Metropolitan Police website because of my eager and sarcastic complaints about the noise factor in our neighbourhood. Not to worry though...I will start posting from Hongik! haha

- I saw this car driving by the other day. Spiffy.

The choice is yours my friends

If you would like to have your mind officially blown, watch this:



If you don't want to risk it, watch this:



If you can't make up your mind about either one of them, then watch this and feel better about yourself:

Miss Canada

LVJ was telling me that during the recent Miss (Universe / World / Galaxy / Solar system) contest, the ladies were dressed in their home countries' traditional garb for one of the judges events. Apparently, the Canadian strolled out in this number:


Being a Leafs fan, I am all for it...
Sadly though, the judges didn't see it my way, and like the rest of the Leafs, Miss Canada is now laying on the sofa back home, playing x-Box and scratching herself.

Students protesting - give it a rest already

Yesterday, a drive through down town was slowed by students protesting (what else but) some kind of anti-American bullshit. Two things came to mind immediately: Why were there a few white dudes in the mix? Have they not yet realized that to 99% of Koreans if you are white, you are an American? Secondly, if those students would put even half of that effort into actually studying and learning something about the world, the protests would probably stop.
Hey, if you have a beef and want to protest something, that is your right. Even though the democracy of South Korea is crumbling under Roh Moo Hyun's government (see the latest media blackout as an example), the freedom to express your views are supposedly what keeps people in line. However, from my thousands of conversations with university students about politics and about the West in general, the average university freshman has no fucking clue how to decide what to eat for lunch without their Mom telling them, let alone process international politics. All they know is that it is "cool" and trendy to get out and hate someone...Japan, USA, China, whoever...it doesn't matter. For that, I nominate those people who were out yesterday spreading around hatred rather than enjoying a gorgeous Sunday for this:

K-1 Dynamite? More like a birthday candle

K-1 yesterday was (for the lack of a better expression) absolute shite. The outdoor venue was unsuitable...the fighters had about a kilometer to get to the ring, the production looked shoddy and disorganized, and most importantly of all, the fights were junk. Even the much anticipated Sakuraba - Gracie rematch was bogus. I honestly think it was fixed, or just some kind of contractual obligation, so they went out and rolled around the canvas like gymnasts doing a log roll. Pride and UFC have professional looking events, but K-1 is falling apart. That was a horrible live event to have going on in the US. Most of the audience were L.A. kyopos anyway...there to see two Korean fighters. Choi Hong Man was supposed to fight, but withdrew at the 11th hour due to fear of Brock Lesnar.
I would say that the most entertaining part of the whole event was Il Hee cheering on Yoon Dong Sik in his match. Yoon had a pretty swollen eye, which looked quite gross. Upon seeing the eye, LVJ was out for revenge and screamed with feverish intensity, "Come on Yoon...blind him!" Hilarious. Sure sure, on the outside she is an adorable sweetheart, but on the inside lurks the heart of an assassin.

Love is patient, love is kind, love is delusional...

Pretty slack around here at VonJackass Enterprises lately. My editor was in a workshop all week and some of the staff were on strike due to lack of fringe benefits. I resolved that problem though by firing them.

Many blog-worthy things have happened over the last week, so I will do my best to exaggerate them into something even more interesting.

Part 1 - A tale of two hapless morons

Chatting with a former HUFS student of mine, she expressed her depression and sadness about her boyfriend heading off to military service and then after that is done, he has to go abroad to study for a year. This is a reasonably common situation here with the mandatory military service of just over 2 years. She was going on and on about how they couldn't see each other for almost 3 years except when he gets the odd weekend off...blah blah sickening blah.
When asked, "How long have you been dating?" the answer came quickly
"Since Friday. I met him at Club Day in Hongdae Friday night."
"3 Days?!?!??" I exclaimed.
"No no no. Four days."
As whacked as I thought it was, I can maybe have around 1% of understanding. No, on second thought, it is just stupid. I wrapped up the conversation and chalked it up to logic being on vacation for the summer.

Saturday though, in a chilling coincidence, I heard almost the same story come from a gal who works at Cinema English. She has worked there for almost a year and I usually chat with her every week while we wait to teach. She is quite friendly and easy going, but she was on edge and freaking out as she waited for a phone message. I asked her if she was expecting an important call or something, and she explained to me that her boyfriend, who is usually very reliable, hadn't phoned her or messaged her in 3 days. As any guy knows, that in itself is punishable by a swift shot to the yarbles. However, when I asked how long they had been dating, she told me "a week". I squinted and nodded to keep from smiling.

Please keep in mind kids...if you believe in romance like your Uncle VonJackass does, remember that dating can be tricky, so use your brain once in a while.

Vaguely related, but a classic all the same:

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

-- Rodney Dangerfield.

King of the Bongo

Saturday morning...I woke up in the usual way: the soothing monotone bark of a bongo truck outside my window, followed by my cranky next door neighbour's screams, topped off by my two word salute to the driver.
This week marks the smooth slide out of the semester, as two of my classes at "the Power Station" are wrapping up, as well as my Saturday movie class. After almost 3 years of teaching every Saturday, it feels like a great relief to know that today is the end of the line. I don't mean to say that I had any problem with the class, in fact, I rather enjoyed it most of the time, and met a lot of cool people along the way. It was time, however, to become a Monday - Friday slave and keep the weekends open for other endeavours (BBQing meat, playing darts, poker, squash, napping, blogging, writing about blogging, blogging about BBQing, and BBQing squash).

Thursday was Buddha's Birthday, which is a National Holiday and a day off in Korea...except for "foreigners" it seems. Hongik required us (English, Chinese and Japanese teachers) to work even though the Korean professors, staff, janitors, students and everyone else in the country was taking the day off. As you might imagine, classes were pretty meager...only a few students were on the campus, so most of the 20 or so professors on hand passed the time drinking coffee and making off hand remarks. Not sure what the deal is with that, but even back in the old Hanguk University of Foreign Studies days, they made us go to work during Korean Thanksgiving - the biggest holiday in the country - which amounted to 6 English professors sitting around an empty campus for 8 hours. What's the point of them doing that you may wonder? Everyone else was wondering as well, including our students. The answer, dear readers, can only be found when you have stripped your mind of all ability to use logic and reason. Then and only then will you be able to understand the mindset of the business practices in the land of the morning bongo truck.

Saskatchewan Artists...what is the value of art?

This morning's news featured a few eye catching items:

1) Victoria Day in Canada...

A time when Canadians all take to their cabins, Pinesol in tow, and see what surprises nature has left them over the winter. Could it be a cob web, could it be a leaky roof, could it be a rotting raccoon carcass caught in a stove pipe? The answers can only be ascertained once the creaky, warped door is opened and you regain your bearings after inhaling the 1-2 punch of last fall's season ending "leftover cookout extravaganza" mixed with the ever-present musty box spring and mattress combo.

2) Snow in Saskatchewan

This is a certain sign of global warming, as it is usually -30 at this time of year, and everyone knows that it never snows when it is that cold. (for those of you not familiar with Saskatchewan, that is a joke...albeit a cold one)

3) Artists lobby for better pay

Artists in Sask. are trying to organize a union, which boggles my mind. Now, I am no artist, and I must admit that my most feared class in all of elementary school was art because I had no skill, talent, ability, luck, or appreciation for it. A couple of quotes worth mentioning:

"Artist organizations have argued creative people are underpaid in Saskatchewan and that better legislation could result in higher incomes. The proposed law would allow scales to be set for the payment of artists that would establish minimum pay."

"The stalling of the bill led to some debate in the legislature Thursday and some finger pointing at the Saskatchewan Party. "They want to continue to keep artists poor," NDP MLA Pat Atkinson said."

Now it seems to me that assigning a specific value to art work devalues it entirely. Just like in most other professions, if you are good at what you do, then you will get paid accordingly. If you are not, keep working at it until you are. Enjoying art is a personal preference; what I may find impressive, another may find boring or offensive. I might be willing to drop $1000 dollars on something someone else finds distasteful and wouldn't pay a penny for. The accusation "they want to continue to keep artists poor" is a laugh. First, I do believe that throughout history, the vast majority of artists have been relatively poor and are not hung up on the materialism of what they do, and secondly, what reason would there be for anyone to want to hold artists down? If people love your artwork, then by all means, sell it until your heart (and bank account) is content. If they don't, it isn't the government's fault.

"Oh those rich sculptors, when will they get off their high horse?"

Anthony's bachelor party

A group of about 15 of us thought that the recently opened "Hooters" pub in Apkujung would be an appropriate place to kick off Anthony's bachelor party, and for the most part, we were right about that. I have never been to Hooters in Canada, but I imagine that the concept is pretty much the same, with the major difference being that Canadian waitresses have bigger...trays...yes...trays for carrying your order to your table.
After Justin's nightmare of a bachelor party, we hoped to keep the razors, bondage gear, emergency room visits, photo opportunities and markers to a minimum, and I think we achieved success. There are some pretty wacky photos of the Hooters antics floating around (keep an eye on the Goat's page in upcoming days) but generally we were about as well behaved as 15 guys can be when they are out on the town.
Second stop was "The Loft" in Itaewon. I had never been there before, but a few guys vouched for its fun atmosphere, so we headed up there and mixed it up for a while...bumping into several of our coworkers by chance. Anthony was still holding it together quite well around midnight, and we thought that we should get over to Bless U where we could have a little pool / darts tourney or something like that to keep everyone entertained and on edge. The Old Man sent us on a scouting mission and they were going to soon follow. We got to Bless U and it was fairly quiet, so we knew we could get into some games with no problems. Colin and Barney showed up a little later without the bachelor, who was getting his groove on and busting out a few moves on the dance floor back at the loft.
We stuck around for a bit in Bless U, but we were running out of steam and ended up heading home - some of us in the dog house, while some of us were not. I'm sure Tony was paying the price today, but hopefully had a blast with good friends last night.

The Wrath...

What a lovely Sunday. Birds were smiling, the sun was singing, I was shining...
It all started off slowly and pleasantly with an early morning wake up to catch some of the Senators and Buffalo game...hell of a game...the Sabers scoring with 5 seconds left or something nutty like that to force overtime. OT was constant end to end action and the Sens finally scored. Wow...I haven't seen a game like that in a while I must say.

LVJ scooted over around 2ish and we decided to go for lunch. I live right beside a church, so it is usually a bit busy on Sunday as you would expect, but there was a parking spot right in front of my house, so she parked there. With all the milling around going on, we thought it would be a good idea to leave her cell phone number just in case we had to move the car to let someone in or out or whatever, which is pretty much par for the course here, so not a big deal. Just as we were finishing up our tom yum and green curry, she got a call that went something like this (in Korean though of course)

LVJ: Hello
Guy: Yeah, is your car parked here? It is blocking my car.
LVJ: Yeah that's my car. I am just across the street, I will come and move it and let you out
Guy: (realizing that she was a young lady) Well, how stupid do you have to be to park your car there you dumb bitch? Fuck!
LVJ: Sorry. I'll be there in a minute

She turned pure red with anger, so I knew that the day was about to turn interesting. She told me the details of the conversation and so I said to her that I would take care of it...
I walked across the street seething with fury...I was enraged to the point that I had to phone LVJ back while I was on the way so that she could tell me not to pound the guy.
As I approached my front door, this guy had his motorcycle parked across the back of her car as a way of blocking it, and he was standing by the driver's door with his arms crossed trying to look like a tough guy.
He was expecting someone like this to come and move the car:

However, to his surprise, this guy showed up instead (christ...oddly this pic does look a little like me...same strong hair line!):


The look on his face was priceless when he realized that his little ploy to trap a young girl turned sour...he looked like a cornered weasel. I walked about an inch away from his face and began a tirade of expletives in several languages...this went on for a couple of minutes with him trying to say some shit, but me not hearing a bar of it and releasing the verbal hounds on him. He looked like he was going to cry (this is about a 45 year old man) and then an old man came out of his house to see what was going on. The old dude spoke to me in English, and seemed to understand that the guy had done something to me to set me off. The old guy started in on the rude guy, but when rudey started speaking, I just cut him off and continued screaming in his face. He started reaching for his phone to call for some back up, so I though I would wrap it up by giving him a double finger salute right in front of his eyes and motioning for him to move his bike (you see, he didn't need us to move the car...he wanted the spot for someone else, which infuriated me even more). He had that kind of expression like "oh man, I really fucked up" mixed with "I hate foreigners".

I drove off and parked about a block down with thoughts of the old ultraviolence on my mind...


Strangely, as we went and had some coffee at starbucks after that, I felt a great sense of relief, as though I had released a year's worth of pent up stress and frustration at once. In the long run, it is probably not good for my own longevity to wig out that severely - from both a heart attack stand point and also street fighting standpoint. Call me old fashioned, but there is no way in hell that any fucking dick like that is going to talk to my girlfriend that rudely, and moreover, when I saw his little intimidation tactic standing by the car, I felt not one bit of remorse for losing my cool.

On a completely unrelated note, the Korean chapter of Rageaholics Anonymous meets every second Thursday of the month at 730pm in Shinchon. All are welcome to attend. Coffee and squares to follow.

What a day...

1. Class today was one of those days where I felt like
a) screaming at someone
b) telling someone to "fuck right off"
c) giving myself a lobotomy
d) checking to make sure that my students' brains were plugged in and in the on position
e) throwing my hands up in disgust and disbelief
f) suppressing my annoyance and using this blog as a release valve
g) all of the above

If you chose g), then you are correct. Let me give you a few vignettes from class...

• when some dude said that he wouldn't mind visiting Mexico because he had watched a documentary on it or something, a dopey broad cuts in with "I hate Mexico...I don't like Mexican people at all." When asked why, she responded that even though she had never been there (and didn't appear to know SFA about it) a guy that she perceived to be Mexican asked her to dance one time - at a night club of all places! She thought that he was too forward, and therefore hates the whole country.
• Apparently all Chinese people are dirty and smell bad. Chinese food is disgusting, and Chinese people have no manners. My students confirmed this by never having been to China, and eating jajangmyun (a Koreanized kind of Chinese food that is popular here)
• Korean guys have better manners than guys from any other country, which is why so many "foreigners" love Korean guys, like "Bi" (is that "BEE" or "Buy"?)
• A group of girls in class discussed at length the need for equality between men and women, then went on to stress the importance of trying to land a rich guy to marry above factors such as appearance, personality, love, trust, blah blah...to the point that one guy in class finally said to them "you are so shallow. Make your own money." That caused some tension for a minute...I was satisfied.
• In the second class, an older lady explained to me in great detail how I need to go to church and read the bible faithfully in order to live properly. At that point I was considering choice b)

These incidents are nothing new really, and any teacher can pretty much hear this shit all the time, but for some reason, today it was annoying the hell out of me. Maybe it was all of them happening in the space of 2 hours. I usually prefer hear doses of idiotic comments thrice a day, usually after meals and accompanied by a glass of water. I took this photo with my camera phone during class...I think it will give you an idea of the caliber of conversation going on.


Thank you blogspot.com...giving me free space to air these beefs has probably prevented me from getting fired, going to jail, getting in a dust-up, or indeed, all of the above.

Vacation can't come soon enough

Tasty Beverage? None for me, thanks

In setting this precedent, I can only imagine that the courts will be tied up for years. This has got to be one of the only cases on record of a Korean employee taking a stand against their boss.

Court Punishes Manager Over Forced Conviviality

In a decisive blow to office bullies who force colleagues to drink with them whether they want to or not, a court has ordered one such man to pay W30 million in damages to a junior co-worker (US$1=W928). The court heard that the man forced a junior female colleague to drink at dinner parties, and refused to let her go home. In March 2004, the 30-year-old woman went for a job interview with an online game manufacturer. After the official interview, she went to a drinking party, billed as a "drinking interview", along with a personnel manager identified as Choi (39). After drinking a couple of glasses of beer, the woman declined an offer of soju or Korean distilled liquor, pleading a bad stomach. But Choi insisted she would pass the booze test only after drinking until 3 o'clock in the morning.

At the instructions of Choi, all company staff had to attend at least two dinner parties a week. On one occasion, the woman attempted to sneak away. Choi called after her to come back, but she refused. At the next such “party”, she was severely scolded by Choi. On another occasion she attempted to mix her whiskey with water, saying she really could not drink much. But Choi told her to drink “or you’ll be in trouble with me,” the court heard. After some time, the woman started to suffer gastritis and migraine, and experienced frequent nausea after meals. She sought treatment and ended a four-year relationship with her boyfriend. Eventually, she filed suit against Choi.

The Seoul High Court on Sunday ordered Choi to pay the woman W30 million, increasing damages of W7 million awarded by a lower court. The bench said Choi “arranged more than two dinner parties a week and forced the plaintiff to drink without letting her go home until early in the morning.” It ruled this was an illegal act that infringed on the plaintiff’s right to self-determination and to freely enjoy her time after working hours, and caused her psychological pain.

I especially like the part where she uses her gastritis as an excuse to break up with her boyfriend.
"Sorry Jung Hoon...it's not you, it's me...I am so gassy because of all these late night drink-a-thons at work."

Call me cynical, but I am thinking that she knew she was getting 30 million, so she decided to ditch her boyfriend so she wouldn't feel obligated to buy him anything.
On the other hand, "saving your 30 million" is a common concept among Korean gals, as that seems to be the magic number required to get married...so really, who knows what the hell she was thinking...

Yikes

Well, a trouncing tonight against Alley Ratz bruised the pride and bruised our stats. There were a lot of zeros on the board, sadly mostly on our side.

The Ratz had some problems fielding a team, and in hind sight, we could have driven them to a forfeit if we were going to be sticklers about it...and in the end, maybe we should have. We waited and juggled things around though and were able to get all of our games in. Yeob got us off to a tentative start dropping his games, and then TK put up a good battle against Max, but got blanked as well. I was glad to get a crack at Mitch, as he had beaten me before and it didn't sit well...but I got him 3-0 in singles and then Yeob and I took him and Ron 2-1 in doubles. The Big C couldn't get in the pocket against Ron in singles and then had a tough doubles 01 that came down to the wire (literally). He redeemed himself by hitting the double 18 in the team game (now 2 wins in a row on that rascal) to get our 6th leg of the night. 13-6...our worst loss of the year. Yikes indeed.

John swung by to try to put a hex on the Ratz and to lend some sage words of encouragement (thanks again John) but left with eyes watering as our shoddy play was like pepper spray to the eyes of all onlookers. We have a few days to reflect on the philosophical side of barroom athletics as we prepare to tackle "Take it Easy" on Monday.

Changed internet companies today after my previous company went bankrupt, so I will get down to some general blogging tomorrow and over the weekend.

Need an ego boost? Do this.

After browsing around facebook, I rambled across this little item, so I decided to put the old birthdate in there to see what kind of vague generalities it had for me, but I'll be damned if it didn't hit it right on the head.

Your Birthdate: August 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others. Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy. Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas. Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges. Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom Your power color: Tangerine Your power symbol: Ace Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Revenge on the B Team

Last night we ventured into the musty basement known as "Blue Frog" to lock horns with the "B Team" looking to avenge our hapless performance earlier in the season. We managed to pull through, but barely. Yeob got the ball rolling by handing out a solid ass kicking and then TK did the same. The Big C drew their cricket marksman for the third match and had him on the ropes in cricket but lost in a photo finish...hell of a game though. I went to warm up during their 01 game, and they must've been throwing some big numbers cuz it seemed to be over in a matter of seconds. I had a very strange match...the guy lead off by throwing a 7 mark against me in cricket, then hitting the triple 20 a couple of times while aiming at 18 to take a commanding lead after 9 darts each. I was finally able to get something going though and worked him on the 17's 16's and 15's to erase his lead and beat him to the bulls. Steady 01 games, but ended up losing 2 close games in the end, then Yeob and I were able to exact our revenge in doubles 01 by playing steady and coming out on top. Cricket was really close, but Colin and TK ended up dropping their games, which left us tied going into the team game. For once (actually the second time) we actually threw some big numbers and dished out a fairly decisive win to take the night.

Alley Ratz Thursday and Take It Easy on Monday to round out the season. Should be a great week.

SIDL UPDATE

Sorry for not blogging lately...busy with a paper and midterms and general messing around.

We were scheduled for a key match up last night against the Alley Ratz, but unfortunately, they were a few players short, so they contacted me over the weekend to reschedule for some future date yet to be determined. It was unfortunate for me, as yesterday was one of the only Mondays that I didn't have to work, so I would have been able to get out there early and throw for a while instead of just jumping straight into a game. On the other hand, we are without our key piece of livestock, The Goat, as he is back home with the family for the time being. I'm sure he will relish a rematch with the Ratz in the upcoming weeks.

The Blessed Bulls (AKA Blue Bulls) had an eventful practice and mini tournament in Bless U. TK and I met out there early and chatted with a few A division dudes and the "Lady Survivors" until they left for their game. The Big C and SY showed up right after that and we got down to business. Many darts were thrown, several glasses emptied, and relentless jabs were thrown at Seung Yeob about his tongue ring. We had a lot of really good games, and it would appear that SY is out of his slump and ready for playoff action (could it be the tongue ring acting as a homing device?). Koichi had to meet some clients and couldn't get there til around midnight, when he floated into the pub using his eyelids as oars. All in all a fun time...I hadn't been out for a couple of weeks, and I think that cured my cabin fever.

In other notes:
- I didn't win my bet with LVJ about who was going to become the new "Apprentice." I had Frankie pegged early on to win it all...she had Heidi. I watched the finale episode last night when I got home and I must say it was pretty lame.
- Flames are out.
- Vancouver is in.
- Been listening to the games on NHL.com, which is not the best, but better than nothing. Radio announcers seem to generally be pretty biased, so it gives me more chances to mock them and yell obscenities at the computer rather than at the TV. At least now I can tell my kids?? or grandkids???? things like "I remember listening to that game on the radio!" which brings me one step closer to being an old man.

Quidam

Last night Lady VJ, her parents and I attended the Cirque du Soleil performance "Quidam" at Olympic park. I have only met her folks once, so we thought that heading out to an event would make for a comfortable evening and give us a chance to chat a bit and enjoy some time together. We hooked up for some Thai food and then zoomed over to Olympic Stadium. We had great seats and the mood in the big top was buzzing with anticipation. Some performers mingled through that audience as people filed in and pulled a few wacky tricks and gags on people, and probably chose the "marks" for later, as there were a couple of segments of the show where audience members were hauled up on stage to do some hilarious and embarrassing stunts.
The next couple of hours were a mix of high flying danger, superhuman feats and a cunning array of stunts. Most impressive to me were the Diabolo Girls. They pulled out several incredible maneuvers , flips, twirls and leaps while spinning and passing around wooden spools with a rope. Rather than read about me trying to awkwardly fumble out a description in words, just check them out:

What an Imbecile

I try and try to keep away from political chatter on here, but reading any Korean newspaper for 12 seconds or more fills me with a sense of rage. Last year, while everyone was hand-wringing about NK's nuclear situation and the return to the 6 party talks, Roh was skulking around in the shadows of the DMZ with a flashlight and throwing pebbles at KJI's window so that they could plan another $400 million dollar bilking of the South Korean people's tax dollars and clandestine Hyundai "donations" so that maybe they can meet in front of cameras just in time for the upcoming election I assume. BF Skinner was clearly wrong about his whole operant conditioning thing...Roh is immune to learning.
Here's a clip...click for the article


"President Roh Moo-hyun said yesterday that he ordered one of his personal aides to secretly contact North Korean officials last year for a possible inter-Korean summit, but dismissed criticism that he violated relevant laws in pursuing the secret contact."

The Bullfighter

With The Masters just wrapping up, I thought I would cue up this clip about what it takes to be a great golfer...

Was that really a 180?

After yesterday afternoon taking about a week to get through, I made it over to Bless U to throw a few darts around as we locked horns with Eberhardt. A strange day indeed. Singles clipped along fairly evenly but we got tuned in doubles...ouch. An interesting side show of note though was a member of the opposing team hitting a 180...I don't want to mention any names, so let's call him "Hothead Greg". The 180 was remarkable, but what was more remarkable was that when he did it, his own team didn't react at all. They seemed to not care. After seeing him have a meltdown on TK over the score, and then having a meltdown on his doubles partner for not giving him the right leave to double out, it became clear though.

We were generally owly after the game and I headed home thinking (insert montage of good times here) that we are supposed to be enjoying ourselves and playing as a way to relieve stress, not get more stressed out. So, I have resolved to stay cool, have fun, enjoy the night, find the beauty in hitting a 5, crack some jokes, chill out and let the good times roll. In doing so, the asses will kick themselves.

Leafs! Clutch Win

Listened to the game this morning...a nail biter right down to the end. When it was all said and done though, the Habs were missing a key ingredient:

Tomorrow's Islanders and Devils match up will decide the Leafs fate...afternoon game, so I will either wake up and cartwheel around the house, or have a meltdown and pull out my own fillings. Either way, it promises to be dangerous.

Update - Long time in the words

A whirlwind couple of days. Not that much blogerific material that is worthwhile, but here it goes:

• you can get a quick darts update over at the Goat's blog if you care/dare. In brief, we won...struggled but won. I played like a clown, but hey, it beats working on a Monday night, so I will try to "keep it positive" as a wise woman once told me.
• Check out the sidebar for a new addition: "Keel" The Bearded Wonder is posting up his book as it unfolds from his mind. Interesting story and great concept for publishing (posting??) a book I think. I rarely read a fiction novel, so I think making it part of my daily web surfing routine suits me perfectly.
• For the Freudians out there, here are a couple of dreams I had...let me know what you determine them to mean...
  1) I was suntanning in a lounge chair in a back yard of some sort and as I looked up, I saw a UFO. I was so happy to have finally seen one (not that I look for them or have any kind of general interest in them in particular, but I was really happy in my dream).There were 2 of them and they looked like clear saucers. As they got closer though, I noticed that they were attached with a kind of invisible rope or string...then one hit me in the forehead, then the other came crashing to the ground a second later. As I looked closely at them, they turned out to be clear or invisible mini soccer balls that had weather reading equipment in them.
  2) My cat was playing with a gun on the floor of the living room, and for some reason I thought that she was sick and trying to kill herself. Lady VJ was here and I told her to look away because Kitty had to be put down because of her bad health. I shot Kitty with the gun, but the bullets were too weak and she was just laying on the floor gasping. I was freaking out and crying and telling LVJ "Don't look at her! Don't look! Look away!"
• You may have determined that I am nuts and have stopped reading already, if so
  
  
  
  
  
• Since you are so nosy and keep reading, I feel obligated to lay out some kind of juicy gossip to keep you coming back. In case you missed it, the following conspiracy theories have now been confirmed: Spam luncheon meat is actually made of pink erasers; If you drop 7 mentos mints into a pint of beer, sea monkeys swarm around and although they are delicious, they attack your gums while you sleep, resulting in gingivitis; The movie "Ghostbusters" was based on a diary found in the bottle that Genie lived in in "I Dream of Genie"; Walmart Drycleaners in Spokane, Washington have been injecting collars and seems with botox to make them extra sharp and edgy, thus driving several mom and pop dry cleaning operations out of business; Jaimie Foxx has married himself in a small civil ceremony in Puerto Vallarta